


Still Here

by leavinghope



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Captain America Sam Wilson, Family, Friendship, Gen, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28826520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leavinghope/pseuds/leavinghope
Summary: Sam Wilson is working out what it means to be Captain America, but first, his mother wants him to bring Bucky Barnes home for dinner.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 33
Kudos: 135





	Still Here

At the sound of a gentle knock, Sam Wilson opened the front door of his mother’s home. On the doorstep stood Bucky Barnes, flowers and a cloth bag in hand. Bucky wore leather gloves, a navy wool coat, and dark blue jeans, and his face was freshly shaven. He looked good, but the tense set of his shoulders betrayed his nervousness.

“Hello, Wilson.”

Sam swept his arm to show Bucky in. “What do you have there, Barnes?”

“Gifts for your mother.”

Sam took the bag from Bucky, who hesitated before asking, “Is it okay if I take off my gloves?”

Sam knew what Bucky was really asking. “They know who you are. The arm won’t bother them. I promise.”

Bucky ducked his head in what Sam knew was gratitude. After shoving his gloves into a pocket, Bucky hooked his jacket on the coat rack and followed Sam. They passed through a comfortable living room on the way to the kitchen, which was glowing a warm yellow as the last of the afternoon sunlight entered through the windows. Sam sniffed at the bag. “Don’t tell me you brought food for tonight.”

“Give me a little credit, Wilson.”

Sam could see Bucky’s confidence wane, though, as he said, “Mama, he’s here.”

As Darlene Wilson turned away from the stove, she smiled. “Introduce me to your friend, Sam.”

“Mama, this is Bucky Barnes. Barnes, this is my mother, Darlene Wilson.”

“A pleasure to meet you, ma’am.” Bucky presented the flowers to her. “These are for you.”

“Thank you.” Darlene smelled the small bouquet of orange roses. “These are lovely. But please, call me Darlene. No need to ma’am me.”

Sam tentatively handed the bag to his mother. “He brought food.”

Shooting a glare at Sam, Bucky explained, “Not for tonight, but as a thank you. You were kind enough to cook dinner for me tonight. Please allow me the privilege to provide dinner for you tomorrow.”

Clearly charmed, Darlene said, “Well, thank you very much. That’s so considerate of you.”

She put the bag on the counter and took out two plastic containers and an envelope.

“That’s my mother Winifred’s chicken soup, or as close to it as I could get.” And when Darlene opened the next dish. “Sarah Rogers’ apple cake.”

Steve had raved frequently about that cake. Sam grabbed a chunk and popped it in his mouth. “Mmm… this is tasty.”

Bucky was obviouslyflattered, even as he chided, “Hey, that’s for your mother.”

Darlene opened the envelope and quietly gasped. “Are these…?”

“The recipes, yeah.” Bucky ran his fingers through his hair as he averted his gaze. “Family recipes. I don’t have…”

Sam’s heart broke a bit as Bucky’s words trailed off. There was a quiet beat before Bucky resumed speaking. “Anyway, these dishes kept up Steve’s strength before the serum. Figured they’d keep Sam strong without it. Thought you’d might appreciate them.”

Darlene surprised Bucky by pulling him into a hug, which he hesitatingly returned. “Thank you, Bucky. This is a wonderful gift.”

“You’re welcome.” Bucky spoke softly, hoarse with emotion. “What may I do to help?”

It was obvious Bucky needed a moment alone. Darlene grabbed a bottle off of the counter. “Here, you can fill our glasses. Thank you, dear.”

After Bucky took the wine into the dining room, Darlene allowed her dismay to show. Sam nodded, to reassure his mother he understood what she felt, because he’d felt it before. It was hard to believe Bucky had such horrible things done to him, had done such horrible things as the Winter Soldier, because he remained so thoughtful, so kind.

There was a brisk tapping on the front door, quickly followed by the sound of the door opening.

“That’ll be your sister.”

A beautiful woman, slightly younger in appearance than Sam, with long braids down her back, joined them in the kitchen.

“Hi, Mama.”

“Come here, Anita, and give me a hug.”

After hugging her mother, Anita turned to Sam with a stern expression.“Hello, brother.”

Sam responded just as solemnly. “Hello, sister.”

Darlene rolled her eyes at their longstanding ritual as Sam and Anita both grinned affectionately at each other.

“Good to see you, sis.”

Her eyes twinkling, Anita responded, “You, too, Cap.”

Sam groaned. “Nope, none of that. Not at home.”

Lowering her voice, Anita asked, “Is he here yet?”

Sam inclined his head towards the dining room.“Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

When they entered the room, they foundBucky looking at Wilson family photos on the mantel of the fireplace in the adjacent living room. Bucky seemed particularly amused by a photo of a scrawny pre-adolescent Sam, who knew he’d be hearing about it later.

“Barnes, I’d like you to meet my sister, Anita Wilson”

Bucky acknowledged them with a polite smile. Sam put his arm around his sister’s shoulders. “Anita, this is Bucky Barnes.”

Bucky clasped Anita’s outstretched hand. “A pleasure, ma’am.”

“Anita, please. May I call you Bucky?”

“I’d like that.”

Because Sam knew Bucky, he was able to see the subtle relaxation in Bucky’s body language at the friendly greeting. Then Anita earned a genuine smile from him by saying, “Do you want to hear the story behind that photo?”

Bucky did not suppress his glee at the offer. “Yes, I would.”

Sam grumbled at the imminent humiliation, but inwardly he was glad to see the two of them getting along, chatting as if they’d known each other for years. He didn’t know if he’d be able to trust someone who didn’t like his little sister.

After a few minutes, Darlene joined them, carrying two heaping serving bowls in her hands. “Let’s eat.”

Sam observed how Bucky waited to see where the others sat, before taking the remaining chair. He was in the place of honor, opposite Darlene, with Sam in his usual seat across from his sister.

They started off by passing around a bowl of white rice, as Anita asked, “What’s for dinner, Mama?”

“Remember the Ghanaian place on Seventh? I was inspired by their groundnut soup.” She ladled a generous portion of the stew over the white rice on their plates.

Sam and Anita both made enthusiastic noises; they both loved that restaurant.

Bucky displayed his good manners, asking, “It smells fantastic. What’s in it?”

Darlene beamed approvingly at him. “Chicken, peanut butter, ginger, sweet potatoes, tomatoes, garlic, chiles…”

Sam dug in. “Tastes great, Mama.”

Bucky took a bite, and then another. “Mmm… the flavors remind me of some ofthe meals I had in Wakanda, only this is better.”

Sam adored the smug look on his mother’s face. He exchanged a knowing glance with his sister and wondered if Bucky recognized the bragging rights he’d just given to their mother. Then Sam noticed Bucky’s satisfied expression. He’d known the magnitude of the compliment he was giving Darlene. Bucky was being a gracious guest, downright gentlemanly.

From the surprise he felt, Sam realized even now he expected Bucky to behave if he were more the Winter Soldier than Bucky Barnes. Sam thought he had grown past his legitimate distrust of Bucky. Perhaps he was so used to Steve demanding acceptance from him that he hadn’t truly accepted Bucky, deep down. Sam was disappointed in himself, but he also knew that moving past the initial violent interactions would not happen easily. He’d just thought he was farther along in the process, so he vowed to be more aware of his feelings.

As the four of them enjoyed their meal. Sam wasgrateful for how his mother and sister kept Bucky in the conversation. First, they quizzed both Sam and Bucky about Wakanda, now that the country had revealed it true self to the world. They acknowledged who Bucky was by asking him questions about the past without ever making him feel old, and he spoke lovingly of Sarah Rogers, but deftly sidestepped questions about his own family. They were a bit bummed he couldn’t tell them more about Harlem and the rest of the city during the early 20th century (“We didn’t much leave Brooklyn.”), but were fascinated with how many buildings and other sites he assured them looked almost exactly the same as they did then. They spent a large chunk of time asking about the Howling Commandos (“Yes, Jones did speak French fluently, and he was _gorgeous_. Those old photos do not do him justice at all.”), but avoided discussing details of the war.

Sam couldn’t help but reflect upon the way Bucky talked about the past versus how Steve had. Steve had always conveyed regret and sadness, but Bucky had worked relentlessly to regain his memories, and the wonder of that hard-earned victory filtered through in his voice. His past wasn’t a place he yearned for, always out of reach, but rather something he treasured and held dear. Bucky sounded eager to share his memories, but Steve had always been reticent, like his past had weighed him down.

Sam would never understand Steve’s decision, because the past could not have possibly lived up to the sepia-toned perfection in his mind. And the part of Steve’s past he had seemingly loved the most was sitting at the table with Sam right now, alive and trying to live a full life.

Anita’s professional curiosity pulled Sam from his thoughts as she said, “Your prosthesis is amazing. Vibranium?”

Bucky nodded.

“Wow. How much sensitivity do you have?”

“Anita…” Darlene issued a warning with that one word.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it.” Bucky turned back to Anita. “Almost the same as my right arm, but harder to break.”

“May I have a closer look?”

Bucky held out his left arm. “Wilson tells me you work at Mount Sinai?”

She ran through a series of manipulations, checking Bucky’s reflexes. She let go of his hand, visibly impressed. “Yes. I’m an ICU nurse.”

Darlene added, “She used to work in the burn unit, too.”

Sam found himself grinning at the pride, well-deserved, in his mother’s voice.

“I continue to do shift work in the burn unit, if they need me.” Anita exhaled softly, “But it can be rough.”

There was compassion and admiration in Bucky’s face as he looked at Anita.

Sam said, “Mama here was a school nurse”

“And our father was a minister.”

Darlene said, “Paul used to say I’d take care of the body, and he took care of the soul.”

Bucky looked at each of them in turn. “A family of caregivers. That’s really commendable.” His tone was wistful, with a hint of sadness.

“Speaking of, nothing takes care of body and soul quite like dessert.” Darlene seemed determined to not let Bucky get sad and set off to the kitchen, striding like a woman on a mission.

Dessert consisted of thick, warm chocolate chip cookies topped with vanilla ice cream, accompanied by coffee. Darlene patted Bucky’s vibranium forearm as he dug in. “A fan of the classics, sweetie?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Bucky looked at Darlene as he said, “Thank you.”

Watching Bucky now, eating his dessert and chatting with the Wilsons, Sam was once again reminded of the stark contrast between Bucky and Steve. Steve used his loneliness like his shield, setting him apart from the rest of his team. Bucky’s loneliness was more like gravity. One couldn’t help but try to get closer to Bucky, to be pulled in.

“So, Samuel…”

“Oh, no.” Sam muttered. He recognized that tone.

His mother ignored his interruption. “… is there anyone special in your life?”

Anita rested her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands. Bucky mimicked her pose, picking up on the teasing nature of the discussion.

“Now, Mama, you know I don’t have time…”

Darlene insisted. “You need to make time.”

“When do I have the chance to meet anyone?” Sam looked at his sister, a workaholic herself, for a save. Instead, she asked, “How about at work?”

“Nope, no way.” There was a sinking sensation in Sam’s stomach.

Bucky reclined back in his chair, his mischievous aspect drawing the attention of the ladies at the table.

“Oh, Bucky, do tell.” Anita urged.

_No no no no no._

“This information cannot leave this room,” Bucky leaned forward, his Brooklyn drawl strong and playful, “but I’ve seen him chatting up a new team member.”

 _Ugh._ This was not fair. Sam growled, “Do you miss anything?”

Bucky smirked at him. “Apparently not.”

“What’s her name?”

Sam remained silent, so Bucky offered the name. “Monica.”

“Not helping, Barnes.”

Bucky crossed his arms over his chest. “Can’t tell me what to do. I’m not on duty, Wilson. I’m simply making conversation with these delightful women.”

Darlene squeezed Sam’s hand encouragingly. “Why don’t you make a move?”

Sam thought of the formidable combination of Carol Danvers and Maria Rambeau, how protective of their daughter they would be. “Her moms would kill me.”

Bucky nodded and said with exaggerated seriousness, “They would. They really would.”

“So, you’re too scared.”

He would not allow his sister to call him scared. “Too new in the job as Captain America.”

“Mmm hmm.” Anita was giving Sam her best _I will talk to you later_ **-** look.

“What about you, Bucky?” Sam breathed a sigh of relief as his mother focused her attention on their guest. “Anyone special?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Are you putting yourself out there at all?”

Bucky shook his head and laughed self-deprecatingly. “Dating was different when I was young. I went to diners, dance halls, you know, places with crowds. You could work your way up to asking someone out.”

Witnessing the legendary Bucky Barnes charisma tonight, Sam could finally believe some of the stories he’d heard. “Steve said you had a different girl on your arm every week.”

“That I did.”

“But never a special girl?” Darlene’s surprise was evident in her tone.

“No.”

“So, you’ve never been in love?”

“Anita…”

“No, no… it’s fine **.** ”Bucky spent a moment mulling over his answer.

Sam held his breath. He’d wondered, of course, but he wasn’t close enough to Bucky to ask.

“Yeah, I’ve been in love.” And in answer to the silent question surrounding him, Bucky added, “Before the war.”

“So long ago.” Darlene did not conceal the sadness in her voice.

Nor did Bucky. “Seems more recent than that.”

Sam was pretty sure everyone at the table now had the same idea as to who Bucky was talking about.

“Do you ever think of getting back into the dating game?”

Bucky frowned, but answered Darlene. “I kinda come with a lot of baggage.”

“That wasn’t a no.”

“That was a ‘not yet’.” One corner of Bucky’s mouth tilted upward, almost like he couldn’t resist the power of the Wilson women. Sam could relate.

Anita pumped her fist victoriously. “Well, whenever you’re ready, let me know. I think our cousin Marcus would be perfect for you.”

Sam held his breath at her boldness, but Bucky winked at Anita and said, “Please tell me he’s better looking than Sam.”

“Definitely.”

“Hey!”

“Well, maybe I’ll give him a chance…someday. Although I’m pretty sure Shuri wants to be the one who sets me up.”

“Princess Shuri of Wakanda wants to set you up on a date?”

“Yes, she does.” Bucky shrugged. “But she understands I’m not ready yet.”

Anita looked at her brother and mother. “I’m competing with the princess of Wakanda to find this man a boyfriend.”

Sam’s eyebrows reached for the top of his forehead. “That’s what it sounds like.”

“I can take her.”

Bucky smiled affectionately at Anita. “I bet you can.”

Not missing a beat, Darlene said, “Alright, once Bucky says he’s ready, we’ll find him a good man. Now that he is all settled, let’s return to Samuel, shall we?”

Sam reached for his coffee cup. “Does anyone want more coffee?”

“Nice try, Samuel.”

Sam gazed up at the ceiling and sighed. _Great._ Now Bucky was calling him Samuel.

“Don’t worry, dear brother. You’re saved by my early shift tomorrow.” Anita said. “I have to leave in a few minutes.”

“Thank god,” Sam muttered.

“I heard that.” Anita grumbled at him.

As Anita pushed her chair from the table, everyone stood, to walkher to the front door. Bucky helped Anita into her coat, and Sam fought down a laugh at how charmed she was by him. Hugs and goodbyes were exchanged all around, including a still cautiously shy Bucky, and then Anita said, “Walk with me to the station?”

Anita had never asked for an escort before, so Sam figured she wanted a few minutes alone with him. “Sure.”

Sam caught Bucky’s eye. Bucky nodded, assuring Sam he’d be okay alone with Darlene. “Allow me to clear the table.”

“Thank you, Bucky.”

Sam grabbed his coat and followed his sister out onto the stoop. The subway station was only a few short blocks away, so Anita spoke as soon as they hit the sidewalk. “I saw the new neighbors across the street.”

“Oh?”

“They aren’t the same new neighbors as last week.”

He should have known he would not be able to keep this from her. He stopped trying to force innocence into his tone. “Oh.”

“Are they yours?”

“Look sis, I’m a public figure. I carry a literal target. I’m just trying to protect my family.”

“Do I have new neighbors, too?”

Sam merely smiled in response.

She threw her hands up in surrender. “Thanks for looking after us, I guess.”

Chuckling, Sam replied, “You’re welcome, I guess.”

They walked a few steps in silence before Anita said, “He wasn’t what I expected.”

“What do you mean?” Sam was eager to hear her perspective.

Anita stopped near the subway entrance, moving aside so they weren’t blocking other pedestrians. “If I’d gone through the things he has, I’d be angry and bitter. Instead, he was just… sweet.”

Sweet. Bucky would be surprised to hear anyone describe him as sweet, but Sam thought it fit him. “That’s who he is, when he’s allowed to be.”

“Just like you’re still my brother when you’re allowed to be?”

“I’m always your brother, and I promise, I’m always Sam Wilson.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him. She never failed to see through his posturing.

“At least, I’m trying to still be Sam Wilson, and not lose myself in Captain America.”

“I’ll keep you honest.” Anita punched him on the arm, and he pretended it hurt. It made her laugh, which he took seriously as his duty as older brother.

“Thanks for hanging out with us tonight, sis.”

“Don’t be a stranger, Cap.” Anita hugged him. “Take care of yourself out there.”

Sam waited until she vanished into the station, and then he headed back. When Sam walked inside his mother’s home, Bucky was putting on his coat and gloves.

“Thanks again for dinner, ma’am.” Bucky winced, with a small, embarrassed smile. “I mean, Darlene. Sorry.”

Darlene gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t be a stranger. You’ll always be welcome here.”

Not for the first time that night, Bucky was on the brink of being overwhelmed by emotion. This time, though, he did not hide it. His voice wavered as he said, “Thank you. That means a lot to me.” He reached down and kissed her hand. “I will watch over your son.”

She held onto his hand with both of hers. “Don’t you forget to take care of yourself.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Darlene left the two men alone in the entryway.

“You certainly charmed the Wilson women this evening.”

“Nice to know I still have it in me.” But the cockiness quickly changed into sincerity. “Honestly, though, thanks for inviting me tonight.”

Sam gave a quick clap to Bucky’s shoulder. “Sounds like you earned yourself a standing invitation.”

“It’s nice to feel welcome somewhere.” Bucky opened the front door to leave. “Good night, Wilson.”

“Good night, Barnes.” Sam stopped, deliberated for a moment, and decided just to go for it. “So, uh, did Steve know?”

Bucky paused, turning his head such that his profile was faintly illuminated by the glow of the streetlights. _Lonely,_ Sam thought, _he looks so lonely._

“That I was gay or that I was in love with him?”

When Sam didn’t say anything, Bucky shrugged resignedly. “It wouldn’t have made a difference either way.”

AfterBucky stepped away, Sam watched until he disappeared from view. Sam couldn’t shake those words from echoing in his mind. Knowing Bucky was in love with him surely would have made a difference to Steve, right? Would Steve have remained in the past if he had complete knowledge of the depth of Bucky’s love for him? Not just as a friend or as a brother, but as someone who returned the feelings Sam thought he glimpsed in Steve over the years? Sam couldn’t imagine a version of Steve who would willingly inflict such pain on Bucky. But then again, Steve had to have known how deeply his decision would hurt Bucky regardless.

Sam remembered the man who had chased Bucky across the world after recuperating from the events in DC. Steve only stopped when he thought the team needed him to, especially Wanda, who had so keenly felt the loss of her brother. Steve had stepped into a big brother role to Wanda, a mentor and a champion for her. Sam couldn’t imagine how Steve could have done this to her, either. How Steve could have done this to all of them.

Sam sighed and closed the door. He returned to the kitchen, where his mother was setting up her coffeemaker for the next morning. He gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks again for dinner, Mama.”

“Thanks for coming home for the weekend.” She shooed him aside. “I’m going to make sure your room is ready.”

“I’m sure it’s fine.”

But she was already headed down the hall. Darlene called over her shoulder. “Hush. I’ll just be a minute.”

Sam knew his mother would have already prepared the room but wanted to fuss over him. That’s just how she was with any of her guests.

Sam remained in the kitchen, planning on loading the dishwasher. But the dishes were already cleaned and put away. He imaginedBucky helping his mother wash dishes, a chore Sam usually took upon himself, and he smirked. He wished he had seen that. He itched to be useful, so he rooted around in the cupboard for cleaning supplies. He had wiped down the stovetop and was in the midst of scouring the kitchen sink as he heard steps behind him.

“So, how are you doing?”

Sam turned towards his mother. He saw all the love and compassion in her **,** and there was so much he wanted to say. He wished he could tell his mother the truth about Steve. Ask for her insight. Lean on her shoulder. Instead, he scoured harder. “I’m hanging in there.”

“That bad?”

“Not bad, not really. The new role is, well, it’s taking a while to get used to.”

“For you or for everyone else?”

“Little bit of both, I guess?”

Darlene leaned against the counter, signaling for him to continue working through his feelings with her. She waited patiently as he rinsed the sink before finally giving in to her silent invitation to vent.

“You’re aware some people have problems with me taking on the title, but I have problems with it, too, you know?”

Darlene nodded.

“I was doing good work as the Falcon. I liked being the Falcon. I mean, sure, there were problems after the Accords, but we were going to get it all figured out.” Sam stopped, reining in his frustration. The Accords had mostly been set aside after the defeat of Thanos, but Sam chafed to this very day about how everything had gone down. And now he was pulled between Ross and Fury and countless others who had demands of Captain America.

“Do you want to be Captain America?”

Sam felt that question like a jolt to his heart. In the months since Steve had handed him the shield by the lake, nobody had asked him if he wanted it. Not even Steve. Especially not Steve. Sam was just expected to treat it like it was a promotion or something, like the Falcon was somehow lesser. He didn’t know how he felt about that.Or he did, actually, but to think about it made him angry. He tried to express his misgivings as concisely as possible.

“The shield symbolized something back in the day, but I need to figure out who Captain America should be right now, for the time we’re living in. For me to be a symbol of something new, not of the past.”

“You could always ask yourself what Steve would do.”

Sam still could not reconcile the man he thought he knew with the decision Steve had made. There had to be an explanation, a mistake… _something_ to explain how Steve had deserted his friends, his team, and the whole world. But until then… “I don’t want to be like Steve.”

Darlene appeared shocked by his response, but her silence acknowledged the story she wasn’t privy to. Yet.

Sam finished by saying, “In any case, I’m still working things out with the team.”

“You did right to bring Bucky here. He needs to be around people.”

Sam agreed.

“He said he didn’t have a family. No one left at all?”

Sam never told Bucky, but he had looked into the Barnes lineage. “There are several. I guess they’d be grand-nieces and nephews or something.”

“And they’ve had no contact?”

“They’ve reached out to him through the Avengers, but he has not read their messages, as far as I know.”

“Why on Earth not?”

“He’s ashamed, Mama.”

Ashamed and any progress he’d made in forgiving himself was ruined when Steve abandoned him. Sam closed his eyes, trying to tamp down the anger he felt when thinking about Steve.

He reopened his eyes when he felt his mother’s gentle hand on his arm.

“Your team. The team is going to be family to him. And to others, right?”

Sam thought of Wanda, of how she’d lost her brother, Natasha, Steve, Vision, and Clint. He thought of Rhodey, who missed his best friend. Of Thor, who needed bonds to this planet. Of Nick and Maria, who have secrets they cannot share. Of Bruce, who was unique and alone. Of Peter, now exposed to the world, so very young.

“Yeah. I guess we are like a family.”

“There’s your first challenge as a leader, then. Not as Captain America, you can figure out what the title means to you eventually, but as the leader of your team, of their family. You’ll have to knit them together.”

Sam took a deep breath and felt the truth of his mother’s words settle into his bones. He’d allowed the role and symbolism of Captain America to cloud where his first duty was, which was to his team. That was something he had experience with and excelled at, as a pararescue specialist and as the Falcon. To hold people together during the good times and the bad, to keep up their spirits, to mend their wounds, both physical and emotional. Captain American came second to being Sam Wilson. That was something he knew how to do.

In large part due to the woman in front of him.

“As always, you are right, Mama.” Sam crossed over to his mother and embraced her. “Good thing I have such a great role model then.”


End file.
